Thursday, June 23, 2005

Another Obituary*...Maybe They Thought Kelo Referred To A Quantity Of Pot.

Washington, DC 6/23/05

Word has been received of the death of the U.S. Constitution. The Constitution died at its home after a lengthy illness. It was surrounded by loved ones and lawyers.

The Constitution was born in 1786 in Philadelphia, PA. Though afflicted with a number of congenital defects, through surgery and other therapies it made an almost full recovery. The Constitution became a leading proponent of liberty and justice and an admired leader throughout the world.

Diagnosed in 1965 with Emanating Penumbritis, the Constitution deteriorated rapidly as major amendments were infected and began to fail. It is survived by an older brother, The Declaration of Independence.

A memorial service was to be held in the National Cathedral, however, the building was condemned and demolished to make way for upscale condos and a high-end outlet mall.

In lieu of flowers, cash donations can be sent to the DNC, RNC, or the ABA.

* The first obituary.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

This Way to the "Great Exit Strategy".

A "small bi-partisan group" in the House is revisiting the moronically naive concept of an Iraq "exit strategy". They even want a no-later-than date to begin troop withdrawal (Oct. 1, 2006). Now maybe I'm taking this too seriously, I mean Dennis Kucinich is one of the group's four members, but this stupidity should have been put out of its misery a long time ago. Anyone who advocates such a plan is woefully ignorant of the very nature of war. All it takes is a quick look at the "exit strategies" of some of America's previous wars.

The Civil War:
"If I had been allowed my way this war would have ended before this, but we find it still continues..." Abraham Lincoln 1862

World War I:
"We won't be back till it's over, over there." From a popular song of that era.

World War II:
Absolute and unconditional surrender of Germany and Japan.
In other words, if you don't stop fighting and admit utter defeat, we will kill every man, woman, and child in your respective nations.

The Korean War:*
We'll defend the 38th parallel for as long as it takes.

* Technically, the war is still on-going. Also, it was not exactly American, it was a U.N. operation.

The Vietnam War:**
"All we are saying, is give peace a chance." From a popular song of that era.

** Notice how well this one turned out. Transparency Alert: I did a tour in 'Nam.

I guess what I'm trying to say, about war, is that one of its most terrible ironies is that no-one knows how or when it will end. If anyone says they do, ignore them. They are, at best, fools, and every time they start talking about an "exit strategy", I remember a story about P.T. Barnum.

It seems that Barnum had a problem at his famous museum of oddities. The museum had become so popular that the patrons wouldn't leave and the building quickly filled to capacity. This prevented more patrons from helping to fill P.T.'s bank account. Barnum thought for a bit, then had signs with arrows made-up saying "This way to the Great Egress". Sure enough, people followed the signs to a large set of doors over which read "The Great Egress". Full of anticipation they went through the doors only to find themselves back out on the street.

Of course, I'm sure you know, egress means exit.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The Opposite of Love is not Hate, But Indifference.

What should America do about other nations hating us? Should we give away more money and aid? Should it be given with no strings attached? Or maybe we should allow our people to be killed indiscriminatly for simply being U.S. citizens?

Well let me say something to those who hate us so. All nations have a “street opinion” and that includes the U.S. How far do you think we can be pushed before the American “street” becomes enraged? America has always been slow to anger, but once angry will deliver unimaginable retribution. I can speak only for myself when I say I’m not far from that rage now.

I don’t want people hating my nation, but there are other concerns I find far more important.